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Jan 29, 2013
8:49:06am
This is exactly right.
I'm assuming your wife can think rationally enough to understand that you are only giving her a list of things she should work on because she expressly requested that you give her that list, and not because you saw any problems with her that you thought were big enough to make an issue.

The problem, however, is that she will have a gut-level emotional reaction to the list you give her, which will probably hurt her feelings pretty deeply. This will happen even though she may know perfectly well that her emotional reaction is irrational, that you didn't intend to hurt her feelings, and that you were only trying to do what she asked.

To be clear, I give your wife full credit for being a reasonable, rational, intelligent person. However, a woman's emotions are very powerful things that often trump all reason and logic (particularly in the middle of a pregnancy). I do not believe there is ANY way you can finesse your communications, so as to convey this list of 10 items without hurting her feelings. My advice would be to find some way to tactfully back out of your agreement to provide the list, and substitute some other alternative. Perhaps you could tell her that you are totally willing to participate in other marriage-building exercises, but that you have some legitimate concerns about the way this one is structured. Communication in marriage can always be improved, but some methods are better than others. This particular method seems like a poor choice with a lot of potential to make things worse.

Good luck. Count me among those who think you're playing with fire if you proceed.
klay
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klay
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1/28/13 10:32pm

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