be like the high school version of me.

When I was in high school, I was the definition of geek personified. Skinny, red har, and freckles, with no social confidence, especially around girls. I was also in the band. To quote Kramer in front of the tobacco executive, "who could love me?"

Anyway, there was this girl in the band who was really cute (and not just cute by band standards but legitimately cute). At least half of the band geeks were crazy about her.

Even though I always found her attractive, I really didn't pay all that much attention to her until the beginning of my senior year (she was two years younger than me and I had a crush on another girl during my junior year).

Anyway, just about the time I really started to take interest in her, I was sitting alone at a pep ralley when she came and sat down by me. She then asked me why I was so shy and why didn't I ever talk to anyone. Taken by suprise and being somewhat offended by her questions, I mumbled something defensive in response and she quickly left. Nevertheless, at a football game a few weeks later she came and sat down by me with a few of her friends. She did this a few other times, all of which, I acted sort of wooden and unresponsive, in part because I had no experience talking to girls and, in part, because I was so shocked that an attractive girl would go out her way to talk to me. It seemed too good to be true.

As the year progressed, I contemplated asking her out but just couldn't bring myself to do it. One time, our family was on a national TV show for like 5 minutes and she just happened to see it, after which, she started referring to me as "her movie star." I still couldn't get up the nerve to ask her out.

On the last day of school, she asked me for a ride home. Driving her home was one of the few times I was able to act relaxed around her and we had a nice conversation. As we approached her house, it should have been so easy for me to at least ask her for her number and suggest that maybe we could get together some time. What did I have to lose? When would I get another chance? It was the last freaking day of school for crying out loud. Instead, I simply said "good bye" and drove away. I never saw her again.

Later, when I was on my mission, my sister wrote me a letter in which she described how my band crush (who was not LDS) accompanied her and a few other LDS girls to a church dance. She related how my band crush asked about me and also that she told my sister that really admired LDS boys because they didn't smoke, didn't drink, and were expected to save sex for marriage, ideals which she also ascribed to. This would have been another great segway for me to at least write to this girl, but I didn't. I also didn't try to look her up afterward (FWIW, our family moved to a different state before the end of my mission).

Not pursuing this girl is still one of the bigger regrets of my life, not because I wish I would have married her or anything like that but because of what was potentially missed out on. If anything, that experience taught me three things: (1) strike while the iron is hot; (2) sometimes, inaction can lead to far more regret than action; and (3) you only have so many chances to screw up.

I only hope that if the Big XII comes calling again, that BYU is smarter than I was.