This was posted on FB by a friend of mine who is a firefighter in the Seattle area. It is a must read.

Thirty years as a firefighter (A short journey through a firefighters thoughts) by Keith Kepler

Thirty years is a long time to do anything. A conservative guess has me responding to over (10,000) 911 calls. Of which perhaps 80% have been Aid related.

Being a firefighter is like being a spectator with a front row seat in the lives of those they are called to help. Yes we are involved in the mechanics of medicine but oft times we became directly involved, if only for a brief moment in time, in their emotional lives. We get to witness people’s happiest moments and worst nightmares.

When I hired on in 1985 I thought I’d be putting out fire. I had no idea the job description also read, “Help people who are hurt, lonely, depressed, sick, taking their last breath or taking their first breath.

Sometimes on calls I feel invisible. What I mean is I am there at the scene of the incident, but those there do not see Keith. Instead they see a badge or uniform. A man in zip up boots and a brass belt buckle. They think I am a police officer who likes donuts when actually I am a firefighter who likes Ice Cream.

Yes Firefighters can and do become the focus or “emotional lightening rod” of people’s life changing moments. I have been spit on, knocked down, and physically struck. I have absorbed or deflected others sorrow, pain, anger, depression, fear, tears, and insanity. For in those moments of despair people have nowhere to send that energy but in the direction of the Firefighter standing in front of them.

It has not all been bad though for I have also been hugged, kissed, offered handshakes, and given so many smiles and thanks I lost count years ago. Not to mention all the cakes and cookies brought to the station. Indeed my true boss is the public and serving them well is a firefighter’s total focus.

Like anybody who ages we change. How we change is based on life experiences and what we choose to learn from those experiences. I have seen folks in their 90’s bitter, dark and lonely and I have seen those bright, at peace, and happy. I remember an elderly man in bed thinking he was dead. I told him he wasn’t as I was very much alive and so asked him to open his eyes. The look of frustration on his face was priceless. He had a lifetime of experiences, choices, and outcomes and was ready to go. It made me think... am I…

I think firefighters have seen and experienced things perhaps only firefighters truly can understand. But having said that I think sharing a few of those experiences on my anniversary may enrich your life in some way. And if I cause you to pause and think about what is important and what is not, like a firefighter thinks, then I will have been successful in my premise.

For I have seen…
The intense sorrow and angry cries of a grieving husband pacing back and forth as his young wife with breast cancer takes her last breath. And trying to find words of comfort I find myself speechless and what comes out of my mouth is silence…
I have been in the middle of a “heavy mechanism motor vehicle accident” and find myself sitting on a curb with the unharmed husband who is in shock and disbelief as the sweet and caustic smells of motor oil, antifreeze, hydraulic fluids and battery acid mix and heavily linger in the air. Meanwhile the world’s best medic’s work furiously to save the unborn baby whose mothers brain is dead but the heart does not know it yet and beats on if only long enough to save the unborn child. And again I do not know what to say and am silent…
It’s in those moments of grief I find it is best to say nothing and even though my voice is quiet my mind races and my thoughts without direction begin to reflect on my wife and I wonder if I were to die that suddenly if she knew how much I loved her.
As I watched those men’s grief unfold I found myself trading places with them if only for a brief moment and wonder what life would be like if I suddenly lost MarLa. For one man it took months, for the other it was mere seconds. My thoughts bring me discomfort and I quickly suppress them knowing this is a false reality but for them this is their new reality.

I have been in the presence of a hysterical teenage daughter who shortly before my arrival was fighting with her mother. Now realizing her last words to Mom were angry and ugly she is in great emotional pain and so while doing CPR, I now hear her words of desperation as she pleads with her mother, “do not die Mom, I love you”. And yet despite our best efforts Mom is gone.
I remember the adult son storming out of the house because his Father will not submit to the sons will only to return later to red lights flashing in the yard. Rushing in he literally bowls me over and grabs his father’s unconscious body and shakes it telling him to wake up. Calming him somewhat we tell the son he can stay as long as he does not interfere and I continue to apply the defibrillator and shock the heart while hearing the son plead,” Dad, I’m sorry, please don’t go”. But Dad’s heart is too damaged and our efforts are not successful.
These moments have always made me reflect on my children and foster children and my relationship with them. I don’t think there is an honest Dad alive that feels they did everything right in raising their children. In my case I can only hope that when I go their memories and thoughts of me will bring tears of missing me and not tears of missed opportunities.

I remember doing CPR on a husband in a small trailer with a toothless mop dog chewing on my foot the whole time. And when our efforts failed and I gently told the wife her husband has died. Her answer back to me will forever be etched in my memories as she asked, “does that mean his social security checks will quit coming?”
But I have also placed a beautiful 94 year old lady on a gurney and before we wheeled her to the Ambulance her husband says, “Wait” and meanders over stooped and slow and gives her a kiss and tells her he loves her and he’ll be right there as soon as their son picks him up and brings him. As I saw those wrinkled lips of the couple touch it caused me to smile.
I have often reflected on that contrast and I decided then I’ll refuse to let my marriage become nothing more than a “Social Security Check” relationship.

I have been there when babies have taken their first breath and I have been there when babies have taken their last breath. No experience so completely exhibits the best the world has to offer and the worst the world has to offer. Total joy verses total grief. The eyes of a mother who just gave birth seem to radiate light and brighten the room but the eyes of a Mother who just lost her child seem to draw the light of the room into her soul through her pupils of eyes and as I find my eyes began to water, my thoughts tell me, “I need to maintain control”, as I need to be there for her.
My own daughter and son in law lost their first little one and I saw in them, my wife, and Darlene, Ryan’s Mom, that same look I had seen so many times before. But as my eyes began to water my thoughts told me, “I need to maintain control as I need to be there for them.” For that is what a firefighter does. He brings order to chaos.
I am grateful my faith and my doctrine states we will be able to raise those little ones to adulthood in the next life. Perhaps this sounds peculiar to you but I believe it to be true and for me and my family this truth brings comfort.

There is so much anger and hate in the news and at times I find myself right smack dab in the middle of it. I know as you sit and watch the TV you may find yourself saying,” It serves him or her right”! But now imagine you are the firefighter doing CPR on a young man who entered an apartment and started shooting at those sitting in the living room only to be shot back at and hit in the chest. As you do CPR your mind is on a moral roller coaster ride of the low of, “why am I pushing on this drug dealers chest who shot first”, to the high of,” my job is to save lives and it is not for me to judge”, and so do you keep compressing? I firefighter does.

I remember like it was just yesterday holding the wife of a man on a Christmas morning many years ago who just heard her husband had taken his life by using a shotgun on himself. I was the firefighter who checked the husband and then on the way out of the home saw the wife running up and so I stopped and held her before she could see him. Holding her firmly I found myself began to shake and even though my mind told my body to stop, it would not. It was like being a passenger in my body instead of the driver. Thankfully as I focused on the wife’s grief I found the strength to stand as I did not want to drop her. Suicide has a whole new meaning to me as many of you may know with the loss of my son Cody. The grief I felt at discovery, the loss of a son, the loss of a friend, missing him, the sadness you feel for the individual who was lost in the void and did not come to you for help. Did I say missing him? I have read articles where people use the word “coward” to describe the ones who take their lives. You have your right to your opinion but I have seen so many suicides committed in so many ways over the decades to make me think that perhaps we all have a breaking point, a point of no return as it were. I’m just grateful my life experiences have not taken me to that point where my feet have just left the diving board and even though I now want to turn back I cannot.

Thanks for reading to this point. These are but a few experiences I have faced as a firefighter that have helped shape me and have helped me reflect on what is important in life. I know there are things you want and wished you had. I ask you to take a moment this week to think about the things you have.
I ask you, can you walk? I have seen many who cannot. I remember brushing a woman’s hair out of her eyes as she was paralyzed from the neck down, and could not do that simple act herself. The look of gratitude in her eyes she gave me stays with me through the years to this day. And that was over twenty years ago. I have picked up those who cannot pick themselves up and they profusely apologize, but I don’t complain because someday I too will need picking up. I have seen those who enjoy life in the fullest of health their body and genetics allow and I have witnessed those whose lives are caught in the grasp of addiction whether it be alcohol, drugs, physical, or a combination. At least now with our FD Cares program where we can pro-actively seek help for those who truly want to help themselves.

So in closing I want to thank all of you for being there for me over these last thirty years. MarLa, my children, and you have sustained me and because of your support and strength I have been able to pass that support and strength on to the less fortunate.

I would be remiss if I did not take a moment to thank my Savior, Jesus Christ. There have been many times I have leaned on his shoulder, and there have been many times he has picked me up and carried me when I could not move forward on my own in life. I also want to thank him for blessing me with a job that allows me in a small way to "feel" mankind's pain and then like the Savior serve them.

Perhaps a better job description for firefighter reads. “Firefighters wanted. You’ll get a chance to “Bare other’s burdens”, suffer with those who suffer and lift up the hands of those whose hands hangs low. And as you are placed in the refiner’s fire time and time again you’ll learn that the things in life that have the greatest value cannot be bought with money.”

To my wife, children and you…Thank you
Smiles Keith