Last week, in a total state of shock, and feeling the world spinning around me, I posted a small message on CB, seeking support, (http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=18671450).

I wanted to give CB an update on the challenging experience we've been going through. I'm doing this in an expression of gratitude for the love, support, and community that is CB. The outpouring my family has received has been so helpful!

After a long (for us, the other two were super quick) labor, my wife delivered our beautiful, perfect, head-full-of-hair, little girl. It was a surreal and almost out of body experience, to not have the rush of activity around us, as we held my daughter. No checking of vitals, no clearing the airways, just quiet, tear-filled admiration of our sweet, precious girl. It is sometimes hard to not feel cheated, as they haven't been able to come up with an explanation for her loss.

We were able to spend all the time we wanted with her in the hospital, and we did.

Many have prayed for us. I have hoped to feel peace and comfort. It is hard sometimes to know during this devastating experience to know what “peace” or “comfort” are and what they feel like.

The attitude I'm trying to maintain is: perhaps they manifest themselves in other experiences: appreciating her beauty and body, gratitude at the opportunities we have had with her, moments of perspective at her place in our lives, both now and in the eternities, the overwhelming expressions of grief, compassion, and support from our loved ones, an increased testimony in the local workings of the church and the baptismal covenants to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. Maybe these are the workings of the Spirit, the Comforter.

We received and continue to receive an overwhelming amount of support and love from family, friends, ward members, neighbors, CB, etc. I can't begin to express how sustaining this has been for us. It carries us through.

Sometime during whirlwind of finding out and delivery, my wife and I decided to name our daughter Grace. While this word has many definitions, the three that pop up with a Google search are: noun. 1. Simple elegance. 2. The free and unmerited favor of God. verb, 1. Do honor or credit to someone by one’s presence.

This fits our little Grace, with her sweet beauty and elegance, the gift she is to us from God, and the honor and love she’s given with her presence. We got to take Grace home with us, just not in the way expected. She is a part of our family, not in the way we wanting, but perhaps in the way we need. We anticipated raising her, teaching her about God and His Infinite Son. We are coming to understand now that to bear this cross, we need to turn it over to Him who first bore His. That to walk with our Grace, we’ll be walking with His.

Thanks again for everything CB!