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Jan 31, 2007
3:32:43pm
DTR= Define the Relationship
Here's a little blurb about them:

After you’ve dated a person a couple of times consecutively, you may begin to wonder where your new found relationship is leading. As such, you may want to familiarize yourself with the acronym: “DTR”. If you don’t know what the acronym means now, it is unlikely that you will survive your dating career without experiencing a DTR talk first hand.

DTR stands for "define the relationship". This is a serious talk after you go out with someone a couple of times that will expressly define the terms of the relationship. For example, you may feel that an implied bond has been established that requires each of you to date exclusively. However, until the exclusivity of the relationship is verbalized you may not be sure. As such, these talks can either mean an end to the relationship if the other person is less committed than you are or the beginning of a more defined serious relationship if you both are equally committed.

It seems obvious that if a guy continues to ask a girl out he is interested learning more about her. He is trying to determine whether the woman is worth his time and energy. Therefore, he may ask the woman that she date him exclusively. If a guy wants commitment early he is afraid that another guy will sweep her off her feet before he has his chance. If she dates a lot he is more likely to commit early in a relationship.

A DTR talk initiated by a guy rarely signifies wanting to break up. He has normally been the one asking her out and kept the relationship going. If he wanted to discontinue the relationship he would simply stop calling. The only reasons a guy would call for a DTR in order to break up is if he had already led her on too far and didn’t want to continue pursuing. He would then give her the courtesy of knowing what he has been feeling about the relationship.


Most girls would call for a DTR early in a relationship for one of two reasons. The first reason is to state that she only accepted a couple dates with the guy to be nice and she sees no long-term potential in the relationship. She will then state her reasons why he is not an ideal candidate for her.

An example of a classic DTR breakup- a girl may cite the differences that they have and may tell you that they are waiting for a missionary. These are two seemingly viable reasons for the relationship to terminate. If a girl states differences as a reason for breakup she is really saying that you don’t meet her expectations of what she is looking for.

The whole missionary thing is hogwash after six months of him being in the field. I find that most girls are still highly committed to a missionary the first few months that they are in the field and the commitment level goes down with each passing month. Almost all girls would consider a better (you can fulfill my emotional needs now) option if he came along.

The second reason a girl will call for a DTR is to negotiate the terms of the relationship. She will state her preferences as to how she would like to run the relationship. The guy has a chance to state his position and negotiate his terms. They will either end up exclusive, non-exclusive, or broken up at the end of the DTR based on how the negotiations went.

During a DTR, if a guy is unsure as to the long-term potential of his relationship and decides to share it with his girlfriend, she may grow impatient and look to move on. For example, a friend of mine dated a girl for more than two years and then he got dumped. She grew impatient with his indecisiveness and moved on. Unfortunately for him his dating portfolio was not diverse and thus was left with no other prospects for the remaining two months until he graduated from BYU and moved away.

If a girl is anticipating moving on she will try and secure other prospects that would be interested in her. By having other prospects she creates leverage in asking for commitment. If she does not get the commitment she is seeking, then she already has other prospects available who may be able to take his place.
donnerstag
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donnerstag
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