You have independence, BYUtv, yearly 10-3 records against lots of top-tier, nationally known schools, an annual appearance at a stunner of a bowl game, a coach that understands that the proper place for football is way down on the priorities list, 65k dedicated fans that always show up, particularly if you're playing Idaho State, and a 30-year-old national championship.

We have a spot in the horrible, bigoted PAC-12 alongside a whole bunch of major research universities that only got that way by being bald-faced socialists, our pitiful Fiesta and Sugar bowl BCS trophies (including an embarrassingly hollow RUTS against Alabama), a coach that is only on so many top lists because he's so classless, a tiny smattering of white-trash fans (Or was it a whole bunch of white-trash fans? I can never get that straight?) with whom to share a sinful and morals-destroying beer both before and after games, a meaningless scoreboard over you last year, for the last decade, and over all time, and the chance to be done with this silly rivalry that just covers up for religious hatred.

We've both got exactly what we want!

Congratulations to you all, happy happy to be us, and let's go our separate ways!

See ya around!