I wasn't going to mention this tonight because I know that feelings are a bit raw. But, since you have welcomed me as a guest on cougarboard so magnanimously for so long, and because I consider many of you to be dear friends, I thought I would let you in on a secret that has never been shared with cougars before. I hope you appreciate this gift, since I am risking my crimson club membership by sharing it with you.
Guys...I'm afraid you have been vexed with a sore curse. As an ALUF, Im not the superstitious type, but even I can see that a curse was unleashed upon Cougar Nation when your beloved team captain and spokesperson extraordinaire, Max Hall, spewed forth his hate-filled attack on all things Ute and then tried to justify his diatribe with false allegations against those he had slandered. Hate is a powerful thing, my friends, and history has proved that the universe does not look kindly upon those who peddle in it.
Consider that since Mr. Hall let loose with his invective:
1. Utah was invited to the PAC-12--setting off an spike in the production of PAC 12 t-shirts and bumper-stickers along the Wasatch Front.
2. BYU tried to get into the WAC, Big 12 and Big East...and failed.
3. Utah has gone 2-0 against BYU, including a last-second, soul crushing victory that broke the gentle hearts of BYU fans from Shanghai to Spanish Fork; and a 54-10 thrashing when Utah returned to LES for the first time since Hall's unfortunate comments--a margin of victory that has not been seen in over 70 years. You also lost to Utah State for the first time in 20 years (which may not actually have anything to do with the curse, but who knows?)
4. Utah unilaterally cancelled two games notwithstanding the protestations of a tearful Tom Holmoe (which, I might add, was unbecoming of a man of his stature and upbringing).
But fear not, oh Cougars! BYU can break the curse and begin once again to play Utah each year by: (1) returning Cecil Samuelson to us unharmed; (2) turning Max Hall over to the nearest group of ALUFs for a group hug and mass home teaching session on charity; and (3) amending the honor code to make it a violation to say the words "classless" and "Utah" in the same sentence.
So there it is, the answer to everything. Just do me a favor and don't tell any of my Ute brethren that I let you in on the secret.
