see way to many that have not been taught as you apparently are teaching your children.
If I know, and I mean know, not suspect) a member of my ward is stepping out on his wife what is my responsibility? Do I tell the wife, do I tell the bishop, or should I do nothing (ie not report it). If I do nothing I think I have put myself in a very difficult position. We are our brother's keepers.
Some people worry about having an duty to report honor code voilatons. We all have a responsibility similar to the honor code. If I handle my responsibility wrong that doesn't make the responsibility any less important.
Now the way it is handled at BYU is a different matter. I suspect that someone hears one story of how it was handled it ends up getting applied to the whole university. Even if there are 250 wrong handlings per semester (which I highly doubt) that doesn't make the system wrong, just the handling of the system.
I know there are bishops who will send a student home for things that I personally would not send someone home. I would work with them to overcome what the issue was, not send them away. But then I really don't know the real story do I. Maybe that bishop wouldn't normally send the student home but because of factors only he knows he feels the need to send the student home.
Once it becomes public knowledge, the honor office doesn't have a lot of options.
Many on here are so against the honor code or the handling of the honor but I never see an concrete suggestions that can make it better. There is nothing wrong with the honor code and the mistakes is because it is run by people, and not all people understand things as you explained in your post.