I wrote this poem based on an old joke for a creating writing class at BYU a few years back. I just stumbled on it while going through some old papers. I remember it really, really made one girl in the class mad. That was one of the greatest days of my life; I hated her.

Anyway, enjoy!

A man and his monkey went into a bar,
On his shoulder was the monkey, he went not far.
Shooting pool all the time was what the man did,
The monkey watched as balls, cross the table slid.

And then in a flash the small monkey ran down,
He picked up the cue ball and swallowed it down.
The bartender couldnt believe his great fall,
No one would play pool if there wasnt a ball!

Your monkey must leave! The bartender shouted!
But the man stayed calm while the bartender pouted.
Dont worry good man. Was the players remark,
Ill get your ball back, and there wont be a mark!

The player than left while the bartender cried,
For he thought the ball gone till the monkey had died.
Sadly, he went and closed for the night,
Tomorrow maybe, hed find cocks for a fight.

But when the morn came, so did the man,
With him he brought a shiny ball in his hand.
Here is your ball, nice and clean. He said proudly.
The bartender took and looked at it fondly.

My friend, I am saved! He shouted gleefully.
Then he told the good player, All your drinks are on me!
The player sat down at the freshly cleaned bar,
The monkey watched peanuts in a small jar.

Then, in the blink of an eye, the monkey did rush
Down the mans arm, to the jar, his hand he thrust.
Then removing a peanut he looked at it closely
Thrust it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate, mostly.

The bartender frightened by what he had seen,
Looked at the monkey and thought it a dream.
Then the monkey returned to his perch up above.
The bartender stared, hed not even used a glove!

Then in a flash, our brave monkey did fly.
Back down the mans arm to where the peanuts did lie.
Then repeating the process of peanut and butt,
The monkey was content to dine on the nut.

This time the bartender could stand it no longer.
What was wrong with this dirty little monger?
Finally he worked up the courage to ask,
Why is that monkey of yours so dang crass?

The pool shark just looked at his monkey and smiled,
He said, Im sorry did that get you all riled?
The bartender smiled, knowing that was the worst,
Well after that cue ball he checks everything first.

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Got craic?