Year? If so, I may have a cure for you! For 3 easy payments of 29.99 I will explain how your New Years resolutions are harming your body.

The secret is the metabolic rate at which the muscle tissues of the New Years resolution you made are breaking down due to exercise. This can feel like the flu, especially to those who are pathetic and haven’t exercised all year long, right superkid?! (“Right!” Superkid).

The 2nd secret of this 3 step secret plan is to go to the gym, out in public like the movies or other area where exposure to harmful viruses may occur. This will build your immunity and expose you to icky colds and flu viruses so you don’t get as much (this claim has not been reviewed by the FDIC).

Lastly, to make up for what Mother Nature didn’t provide for you are things we like to call “Essential Oils”. These are found naturally in small glass bottles all over the world!

To distribute these miracles we harvested the souls of over stressed mothers that were tired of their un-immunized children getting sick from totally preventable diseases. Once the kids were treated* the mothers were willing to sell their souls and throw away all credibility to share the miracles message of our essential oils. (*treaded is not a claim nor confirmation of being cured).

Please send check or money order to....Oh crap you never paid.