So me and five other friends bought 2-liter bottles of Mtn Dew, drank them as fast as we could, then proceeded to pee all over her car later that night. We then referred to her car as “the port-a-potty” for the rest of high school. I checked her out on Facebook a few years ago, and I was happy to see that she had gotten fat after having a few kids.

I’m not sure how this fits into your analogy, but I probably need some counseling.