I've done many horrible things in my life. I once buried a jar of my urine near someone's grave; I lied about my shoe size on a dating website; I snuck beer into a movie theater showing of The Other Side of Heaven; I used multiple account to leave 1-star reviews after a bad experience; I once paid someone $40 for his homework when he wanted $50; I sometimes snicker at my ex-girlfriends' husbands online.

Now, I am about to do the worst thing in my life - becoming a Utes fan, maybe permanently. I will cheer for Utah, LSU, Virginia, Wisconsin and Baylor this weekend. Why?

1. I haven't had a magical football season in my life. I was too young to enjoy 1984. 2001, 2006 and 2009 were close but no cigar. This decade has been nothing but pain. Utah had 2004 and 2008, and maybe this year. So, I am going to become a Utes fan and see if I can get on that magic carpet ride.

2. Every football team I root for turn into crap (case in point: BYU. I don't have another date point but I'm 100% so far). If I sincerely root for Utah, maybe they will turn crap too. This way, I'll be fine either way.

Guys, it's been fun hanging out with you guys for the past 20 years. Life is too short to be miserable forever. I'm gonna do the worst thing and go to the other side to taste happiness. I'll let you know what it's like.