We here at Sandstone Cougar value the health and safety of all Cougarboarders. We continue to monitor the spread of the Coronavirus (Covid-19 or Bat Snack Fever) and follow the guidance issued by the World Health Organization (the WHO) (the organization, not the band) and the Center for Disease Control (CDC), state and local health officials, random Facebook and Instagram influencers, and articles of questionable accuracy or authenticity on Drudge Report, Reddit, CNN, and MSNBC. It is important to know WE ARE NOT TAKING THIS SITUATION LIGHTLY. We are taking extra precautions to mitigate the impacts of this issue.

Steps we are taking:

+We are rewatching What About Bob and all episodes of Monk and basically copying the main characters.
+We have voluntarily sent out this email to let you know how much we care.
+We have voluntarily sent out this email because our annoying drip-marketing consultants and lawyers told us we should.
+We have voluntarily sent out this email so that you won't forget about us as our equities plunge to the depths of the abyss.
+We are sending out this email to remind you that we do have it, and we will not hesitate for one second to send it to Russian spam kingpins if you unsubscribe.
+ We have renamed our receptionist from the "Director of First Impressions" to the "Director of Disease Mitigation." Basically, she is going to hose you down with a can of Lysol when you come in our door.

Avoid Additional Risk

This is where we would insert the same long list of recommendations from the CDC, but chances are that you have received this same email 1,500 times today already. So, go on that.

We promise we will update you regularly throughout this pandemic, as we know you have been sitting on the edge of your seat waiting in front of your monitor to hear how we were handling this crisis (maybe not as much as your insurance agent, that lender you used 10 years ago, or your local Office Max, but I am sure we were at least fourth on your mind). Once this crisis is over, we will continue our regularly scheduled regimen of sending you unsolicited emails on major, minor, and made-up holidays.

Keep calm and carry on.