During the gasoline shortage in 1973, when we were waiting in long lines to fill up our cars in case the gas ran out, Johnny Carson, on the Tonight Show, jokingly mentioned a toilet paper shortage. But the nation took him at his word and went nuts buying toilet paper for the next several days. Charlie McClellan couldn’t resist writing something equally silly at that time about the resultant T.P. panic. Now, all of a sudden in 2020, forty-some-odd years later, people are nuts again and his prophecy is fulfilled.

For those familiar with her - Carla Ulbrich performed his song about 10 minutes into her Podcast last week.

THE TOILET PAPER SHORTAGE

(to the tune of "Battle Hymn of the Republic")

The toilet paper shortage will be coming very soon,
The johns will just be open from eleven until noon,
A monitor will stand by every restroom and halfmoon,
The world goes dancing on.

(Chorus)
All around the bloomin' nation
People live in desperation
Suffering from constipation —
The world goes dancing on.

The government's decided that the lines have grown too big.
It's now a felony to be a toilet paper pig.
No cuts in line permitted — everyone must dance or jig,
The world goes dancing on.
(Chorus)

And now there's been approval of an odd and even plan —
Your date of birth determining your right to use the can.
There will be no exceptions, not for woman, child, or man,
The world goes dancing on.
(Chorus)

There's been a widespread altering of dietary scenes —
Avoidance of most green and leafy vegetables and beans,
'Cause eating wrong can teach you what the word "eternal" means.
The world goes dancing on.
(Chorus)

The lines are just tremendous all across our lovely land,
As dancing people with their birth certificates in hand
Accept their t.p. ration and don't even mind the brand.
The world goes dancing on.
(Chorus)