Wifey and I play rock, paper, scissors to determine who has to wipe the kid’s butt.

I’d lost over 10 times in a row and was ready to give up on the whole thing. Just consign myself to a life of butt wiping.

But I persevered. I watched YouTube advice videos. I studied psychology. I started referring to things as “rock solid” or that “rocks” or “let’s buy rocks” so that when she was all primed I dropped a paper on her and sent her off to the bathroom.