So we take care of my father in law who suffers with advanced dementia in our home full time. My mother in law is still living in her home and we're looking to refinance that home and roll in the HELOC that my dear mother in law ran up a couple years ago. ($103k in 6 months before I realized what was happening and grabbed a hold of the finances.) We're not moving my MIL into this house anytime soon (if I or my wife can help it). There's about 140k owed on the primary mortgage and another 103 on the HELOC on a home likely worth around 450k.

My wife has durable POA for both parents and I take care of 100% of their finances. My MIL is still of "sound mind" (such that it is) so she's able to sign this stuff on her own. My FIL has multiple pensions and is the "breadwinner" of the marriage. But bec of his dementia, there's no way we can have him go through and sign loan paperwork.

How does that process typically work? I'd obviously like to be able to "drive the bus" on this process as much as I can. Legally I'm nobody however so likely no loan officers will even talk to me. Would they talk to my wife taking the place of her father? We can "control" the MIL in the process. I don't want her driving this process as she makes very poor decisions.

Thoughts?