Whereas, Medute, on the 27th day of February, 2021, admitted to facts creating a post hoc ergo propter hoc presumption of misuse of Cougarboard in order to create a “streak,” it is hereby ordered that El Jefe have restitution of a pristine Cougarboard, free from the malicious influence of said Medute, and that El Jefe recover of the said Medute the sum of one billion dollars for damages, and also at the rate of one million dollars per day for pain and suffering, from the 27th day of November, 2010, until BYU again defeats Utah in football, together with costs: You are, therefore, requested to take with you the power of the moderators, if necessary, and to cause the said Medute to be forthwith removed from the said premises, and the said El Jefe and other loyal, strong, and true users to have peaceable possession thereof; and that of the goods and chattels of the said Medute you cause to be levied the damages aforesaid, and that you return this writ, with your doings thereon, to post on Cougarboard within twenty days from the date hereof. Given under my hand this 27th day of February, 2021.

--Smack’sWife

(I mean, it only makes sense...)