for one or more of the following reasons:

1. To partake of the online community here with like-minded fellow members of the church

2. To troll BYU fans

3. To troll members of the church

4. Because they are soulless miserable people that suffer persistent anxiety about any possible positive perception of BYU that might negatively affect their own personal identity, and therefore are seeking to bring some kind of meaning to their otherwise mundane existence from their corner of the below-grade level of their parents' abode (provided to them rent-free)

5. Stock tips