this morning and was told that there is literally nothing more to be done. No more opinions. No more considerations. No more treatments. Nothing. Given how rapid this has progressed it may just be days. She was in that 5% that they told us 2 months ago was a possibility. We were told 5% don't respond to chemo at all, while the vast majority respond and have months or even a year or two. She has beat the odds at how unlucky she has been every step of the way. Nothing has gone right for her and we are in a very small minority, that miniscule minority you never think you'll be a part of. Given other factors the last 2 months, the odds of things happening they way they have overall were less than 1%. Because of that, I had far more hope than anything for a while, and have struggled dealing with such extreme negative outcomes when everything else tells me to hope for the most likely best. Yet here we are.
It was a difficult day in the park because of that. Thankfully my mask and sunglasses masked my tears, but at lunch while sitting it caught up with me and I cried pretty good. I'm sure a lot of people in the cafe thought I was just a dad having a meltdown. Oh well. I've been responding to texts from siblings and extended family most of the day while walking around the park. I'm the sibling most in contact with extended family generally so I've been communicating the details to them. We're in our hotel room now for a recharge. I needed one. It just feels so weird to be at an amusement park while dealing with this. Fortunately my kids understand and are still having fun, and I'm still enjoying myself as much as I can under the circumstances. We fly home Wednesday. Just such a cacophony of major emotions right now, all across the spectrum...good and bad...just such a weird frame of mind I'm in right now as this dream I live in continues. Life is precious, and I am grateful for the one I've been blessed with, especially my eternal family relationships. So much gratitude right now amidst my overwhelming grief.