by an uncontrollable urge to spend the night at hotels walking through doors, just back and forth for hours on end. I think it must be pure instinct because there is no rational reason for it. I also think these nocturnal beings have conspired with the hotel industry to only install the loudest of door locks because again there is no reason for the amount of noise generated by these doors opening and closing incessantly.

If you are one of these nocturnal beings up in the middle of the night, walking through your hotel doors, know that I am onto you. I'm coming for your door locks.