-ACT 1-

The curtain goes up.

A spotlight reveals a single large cardboard box. A man crawls out, holding a laptop from 2012.

TNT:
DOOM.......DOOM!
DOOM.......DOOM!
WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO AN ODDLY NAMED PLACE
WHERE THE COUGARS AREN'T THE COUGARS YOU EXPECT
WHERE YOU CAN SAY ALL YOU WANT WITHOUT SHOWING US YOUR FACE
AND YOU'LL LOSE THAT THING YOU HAD WE CALL RESPECT.

COUGARBOARD!
A MILLION EXPERTS HERE TO HELP
COUGARBOARD!
IT'S BETTER THAN GOOGLE OR YELP
COUGARBOARD!


Okay, I don't have time to actually write a musical right now. Feel free to add to it.