cutting onions can either defy the laws of physics, or they are sentient organisms that can fly.

Wow! The reason you ‘cry’ when you chop onions, is that the chemical in the onion is attracted to the nearest source of water (which is usually the eyes). If you place a wet paper towel next to your chopping board, the onion will gravitate towards that, and not your eyes. It really works! No tears!