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Jun 17, 2021
8:43:36pm
Belboz Truly Addicted User
Immediate emotional response doesn't normally linger forever.
I can pick apart your story and miss the point just as you have done, but it misses the point:
Your best friend didn't commit suicide. You didn't even mention a death. You also mention a begging for forgiveness that came years later rather than only hours later. That's far different from someone being angry hours after learning that a friend committed suicide.
Your story also didn't include someone telling the mother "The way you felt about your son in those first hours of learning what he did was selfish."

Picking at that is silly.

Here's my point, again.
1 - Immediate response/emotion shouldn't be expected to never change. People pass through phases of grief. It's normal.
2 - Telling a person that those immediate emotions are inappropriate is probably unhelpful.


A drunk driver hit and killed my older brother back in 1995. The night it happened, I was very sad. Not long before we chose to turn off life support machinery that kept him alive, I learned that the guy who hit him was drunk. I went from being sad to being very angry almost immediately. That angry emotion was ugly and unhelpful. I was trying to deal with the impending loss of my brother and all I could feel was anger toward the guy who drove over him.
If someone had approached me in the hospital and told me, "Hey, hey, hey. That anger is inappropriate," it wouldn't have helped at all.
What helped was time.
After a few weeks, I wasn't angry with the guy anymore. In my heart, I forgave him.... and I continued to feel no bitterness toward him until a year and a few months later when he showed up in court for sentencing and asked the judge to delay sentencing until after Christmas so he could spend more time with his family first. I was angry with him again for a couple of weeks, but the anger passed and I went back to just missing my brother.
No one needed to tell me that my feeling were misplaced for me to heal. I healed on my own time and it was fine.
It's what happens. People can get angry for a minute or 5 minutes or 5 days or 5 weeks and they get through without condescension.
This message has been modified
Originally posted on Jun 17, 2021 at 8:43:36pm
Message modified by Belboz on Jun 17, 2021 at 8:44:29pm
Belboz
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Belboz
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