1. Don’t put three teams from the SEC in the top 4. They may actually be the best, but two is the limit.

2. Don’t allow a non P5 in the top 4 at the end unless they meet the following criteria:
A. They are unanimously #1 in AP
B. They beat at least 1 SEC team
C: No Big10 team has fewer than 3 losses
D: Their style points in wins against non-top 10 teams must make Kate Middleton look like a middle-aged fat guy without a job living in his parents basement. (This rule does not apply to a P5 team)

3. Find some possible way to put a Big10 team in the playoff. If there is no possible way to put lipstick on this pig, state that the committee felt the Big10 is almost as good as the SEC because of the number of Heisman nominations and top 25 finishes they have had in the past 70 years and promptly answer all follow-up questions with, “the committee can consider many factors…”.

4. Put a PAC12 team in every 5 years if there is some possible way to do it. The automatic tie-in with the Rose bowl thankfully lifts a massive burden from the committee. If the PAC champ has at least one non-conference win against any P5 or G5 team, they must be strongly considered for a playoff spot, even if they are not even in the true top 12. It is acceptable to consider prior year victories or even victories from non-football competitions (swimming for example) and even results from the prior Olympics. It is also acceptable to give greater weight to Covid-compliance as a justification for a inclusion over a lesser Covid-compliant team. Head to head results can be ignored if they are older than 30 days. A team can be considered “undefeated” if they have demonstrated great improvement.

5. A second non-P5 team can only be placed in the final top 11 if they are undefeated AND both the Big10 and PAC12 have playoff representation.

6. You are not to consider the use of the Nike jet as an endorsement of any kind. Any cash found on the plane can only be kept if it is unclaimed after the first weekend of December.