20+ years ago my ex-wife and I were living in Rexburg expecting our first child. We were dirt poor as I was attending Ricks, yes, it was still Ricks, and she worked at Wal-Mart. We saved up some money to got to the Chinese Buffet in town. We both ate as much as we could because who knew the next time we would have access to that much food.

Afterward we headed over to hang out with another married couple who was managing an apartment complex near campus. Just after getting into the car I felt my intestines start to rumble. What I did not know at the time, was that I had some food allergies/sensitivities that cause me intestinal distress. The rumblings got worse and worse and I did my best to hold in any exhaust that may escape out the tail pipe. It was somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes to the complex and just as we were pulling into the parking lot, the sphincter failed and a horribly noxious odor filled the car. (Part of the reason I held it so long is that the ex would always get mad any time someone passed gas and goes ballistic over potty humor. She still does. My kids are always so relieved when they can come to my house and can actually break wind and not get yelled at.)

Now, as many of you know, pregnant women are sensitive to smell. And my pregnant wife, who had just eaten multiple heaping plates of food started to gag. We rolled town the windows, but it was too late. She immediately opened the door, ran around by the hood and left a heaping, steaming mound of partially digested food on the blacktop just in front of the car. I felt bad, but thought it was pretty funny. Of course, she did not. After a few minutes we then went and visited and played games for a couple of hours.

When we got and headed back to the car, I spotted the happiest dog I have every seen in my life licking the blacktop clean. There was not a drop left.

I laughed so hard I cried. Dogs are disgusting creatures, but that is one of the best memories of the miserable 8 years we were married.

Yes, dogs are disgusting.