Tory lashes out at anyone and anything as a defense mechanism. She hates the LaRussos on principle. It's not about what's morally defensible, other than the morality of survival.

Daniel's son is a dork who is still a fat, soft baby in his head; he has been indulged and spoiled most of his life, and he sees himself as a ripe target for bullying, which he is desperate to avoid. He may know better at some level than to act the way he does, but he really hasn't internalized any life lessons yet.

The show has its issues, but neither of the things you brought up are really on the list, other than being part of the trend the show generally embraces for most of the characters to choose to be mean and/or judgmental when given the option of not being so. Except Amanda, which makes her storyline with Tory such a great part of the 4th season.