Gonna get this statement out of the way first - it’s a terrible movie. My expectations were very low and it nailed it. Now onto a few observations:

- The obvious problem is how do dinosaurs and humans live together? So what does the movie do? Basically ignores this and shifts all the attention to giant locusts. Miraculously the locust problem is eventually solved, leaving us with the exact same unanswered question we showed up with: how do dinosaurs and humans live on the same planet? END CREDITS.

- Speaking of locusts, Colin Trevorrow said they decided on Dino-era locusts so that paleobotanist Dr. Settler could take more of the lead. Really? You think the biggest plot gap is potentially having Dr. Sattler care about dinosaurs, so you bring in bugs to make it more “believable”? THAT was the biggest plot conundrum you faced? I spotted at least 50 others that were less believable than Dr. Sattler hypothetically caring about dinosaurs, but I’m no Hollywood director.

- Everyone holding up their hands to raptors has gotta go. I don’t even feel like I need to explain myself here.

- At no point did I feel any suspense or any sort of tension. It’s too much in your face nonstop and quickly your brain just shuts off. There is zero art to building suspense or an interesting storyline. This is one of the main reasons Jurassic Park was so great - you felt uneasy and tense throughout without a constant barrage of over CGI dinosaurs shoved up your nostrils for 2.5 hours.

- The side story sweep through Malta has almost as pointless and directionless feel to it as The Last Jedi when they spend 30 min of screen time randomly on Planet Casino Royale.

- Dr. Grant looks like he is embarrassed to be a part of the whole movie throughout, which is really saying something after his participation in Jurassic Park III when he has a dream about a raptor calling his name on a plane.

- So what happens to all the dinosaurs that don’t get brain-buzzed back to BioSyn thunderdome? The sanctuary dinosaurs presumably are only a small subset after they showed us earlier on the world map that dinosaurs had spread all over the globe. Why do I care about a few of them jammed in Italy’s mountains? They are already everywhere, probably killing and destroying everything but that’s apparently not a question worth answering, despite being the only question we care about.

- Why is this whole operation in the hands of a few randoms? If we want to round up the dinosaurs to prevent global catastrophe, why is dino cowboy Owen the only one doing it and not like every country’s armed forces? Why is Dr Sattler the only person looking at billions of giant locusts and not every single scientist on planet earth?

- What in the world is Owen and Claire’s plan for Maisie? What we are actually witnessing is a full blown kidnapping and hostage situation, but in the movie we are told this is only out of love and concern. This child doesn’t go to school, doesn’t see anyone, is told not to leave, and is held against her will in a crappy secluded cabin in the woods so no one can find them. And you’re just going to do this forever? This sounds a lot more like a bad kidnapping cult plot than “we love you so much, we are a family” storyline.

This is only a short list of questions and I could probably list dozens more. There is nothing left to milk out of this franchise besides more and more in-your-face nonsense which leaves massive plot holes everywhere and completely jumbled storytelling.

Oh last thing I will add - I’m back in town visiting family in Utah so I saw this at the IMAX in centerville. Shout out to all you parents who brought all your small children to this (many, MANY of which were around 3 or 4, some as young as 2 I’d guess) and had them crying during the movie and had to take them out. Really solid judgement on what constitutes a toddler film. Weird that Jurassic World in IMAX wasn’t the ticket.