Those electro sets are kind of fun and you're right that you'd annoy less people, but IMO, you're really missing out if you don't play on a real set. The volume and opportunity to just hit hard is a lot of what makes the instrument so fun.

So, my recommendation is to just grab a set on craigslist. Plenty out there. Then get some silencing/quieting gear for when you want to keep it low. But also let yourself play loud whenever its appropriate.

I took lessons for a lot of years when I was young, but still most of what I know I learned from playing along to Van Halen records as a kid. Just pick drummers that you like, and imitate them. And if you want to learn anything technical, just youtube it. There are a million tutorials out there for free.

Eventually, try to get as awesome as this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRTAu52G9Lg