brining dinner/desert home (after everyone has calmed down and the kids are in bed) and saying how much you love and adore her for her efforts.

This usually works best for me.

Honestly, if I try to be chivalrous and help out, I come home and become part of the problem and it ends up worse than if I would have stayed. If I stayed and "hit a bucket", then your in the dog house.

Yup. Work time emergency followed by pampering your wife when you get home works best for me.

The second best is to come home and grab the kids. Take them for a ride or to a movie. That works too.

But coming home and trying to help clean...almost never works for me.