I need to vent and get something off my chest. I really love my wife, but she is allergic to cheese. Sometimes she just doesn’t care and she’ll eat a whole pizza from 7-11 or Little Caesars. The consequences are horrible. She’ll experience hives, vomiting, diarrhea, runny nose, and one time after a fondue party she experienced anaphylaxis. If my wife can’t control herself around cheese, I feel it’s my responsibility to keep it away from her.

So the other day my wife found out that my office had the cheesecake factory cater a lunch we were hosting. I tried to keep her from finding out, but she is friends with some of the ladies in our office. I decided it was better to fib and tell her it was all gone. I just don’t want her risking her life.

Fast forward to yesterday: It was about 40 minutes until work was over and I had a really big craving for something sweet for some reason. Since the guy whose office is next to me is a jerk and won’t share his funyuns or doritos and I was out of change, I decided to help myself to a slice of the leftover cheesecake.

Well it was just my luck that right in the middle of eating the cheesecake, my wife came to surprise me with tickets to the Savannah State game. When she saw what I was eating, she lost it and got really mad. I’m talking nuclear meltdown mad. After screaming at me and making a huge scene, she stormed out of the office.

When I got home, she was still really upset that I had withheld this cheesecake from her. For a while she wouldn’t talk to me. I finally got her settled down and we got to talking. I tried to explain my side of the story and how I’ve been really concerned about her allergy. I asked if there was anything I could do to make it up to her. She said she’d like to go shopping. I said that would be fine and asked her how much she’d need. She looked me right in the eyes and said “I’m gonna need about three fiddy.” That’s when I realized that all this time I was actually married to the Loch Ness monster. I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?