Not a lot of upsets in this first round, but there are plenty of interesting match-ups set for round two. Here's a rundown: (I meant some of these in the spirit of the roast. If any of it hits too close to home, hit me up with a boardmail and I will change it up.)

Vote for round 1 of the Tradition Bracket here: http://www.cougarboard.com/board/message.html?id=13821522

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• 1 Ashtrash vs. 16 BYU Grounds: Ashtrash came out of the gate with guns blazing. Using her feminine, modly charms, she easily handled BYU Grounds taking the first round 149 to 40. She will face the formidible Brass Monkey who is desperate for a win and not opposed to threatening self harm in his FO posts to solicite more votes. This could be a challenging round for the trash.
  
• 8 El Joffrey vs. 9 Brass Monkey: Still unable to convince anyone that he actually voted for Mitt Romney (he totally voted for Obama), El Joffrey bows out early to the scrappy Brass Monkey who set the record for technical fouls during their match up. Poor kid will do anything for a win. The final score was a convincing 115 to 74.
  
• 4 Zaphod vs. 13 ByuMba90: Perhaps it was Zaphod's suspension-worthy wit that propelled him to the win, or maybe it was ByuMba90's lack of presence on the board for the past few months/years. Either way, Zaphod comes out victorious without even breaking a sweat. 123 to 64 for the 4-seed.
  
• 5 BellicoseButcher vs. 12 Linescratcher: Did BellicoseButcher also use her girlish charms to win votes, or perhaps she dug up all kinds of dirt Facebook-stalking individual posters which she used as blackmail for more votes. Eitherway, Linescratcher couldn't get out the indie vote who were all scoffing at the ridiculousness of this stupid poll competition. BB with the 138 to 49 victory.
  
• 2 Cougazul vs. 15 Bob Vance: Cougazul probably didn't need a boost for this win against one of the worst refrigerator salesmen in all of Scranton, but his recent pentient for gifing the crap out of all of our awesome basketball wins certainly didn't hurt his cause. Cougazul buries BV 127 to 57.
  
• 7 Barracouga vs. 10 docrick: It wasn't a landslide, but docrick pulls the first upset against the Casanova of the 256 teams. Perhaps a more aggressive approach next year, Barra? Barracouga falls 112 to 74.
  
• 3 benny1982 vs. 14 Doctor Rosenrosen: Despite multiple complaints to the ref about getting paired against the league's most impaired poster, the doctor could not get the refs or the fans on his side. benny1982 easily moves on to the second round with a score of 121 to 63. Either that or he hacked into the system and photo-shopped the score.
  
• 6 CDV vs. 11 boogers: In possibly the most boring match up of the day, boogers couldn't get any 6th fan momentum and fell to the indifferent CDV in a closely contested 99 to 82 match-up.
  

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• 1 foofcoug vs. 16 bald man: Surprising no one, foofcoug, a favorite to win the whole thing, put bald man out of his misery early. By the second quarter, foof sent in his third string by not even posting for the last week and still handled the bald man easily with a 163 to 25 blowout.
  
• 8 bushy7 vs. 9 Cougarealist: This match-up gave us plenty of not-top 10 material as the two fought for who gets to get killed by foofcoug next. bushy7 somehow came out victorious scoring 116 to the realist's 68.
  
• 4 cougarmanguy vs. 13 idacoug: This match-up generated zero buzz as cmg easily dismantled the undeserving idacoug 133 to 55.
  
• 5 BYUtiful vs. 12 Blue Ghost: Beginning with a prayer and ending in quite a civil philosophical debate about the economic repercussions of the current political climate in the middle east, BYUtiful out-bored Blue Ghost to take the 108 to 78 victory.
  
• 2 BE-WHY-YOU vs. 15 Conan O'Fresno: Never much of a contest.  BE-WHY-YOU intimidated his way to a victory with all 9 and a half feet of his surly stature. Conan never had a chance. Final score 112 to 78.
  
• 7 DapperDan vs. 10 AxelDC: The unholy war. DapperDan takes the win having garnered more support with his less confrontational apostasy approach, while AxelDC claims that he didn't leave the tournament; the tournament left him. If it did, it was only with 54 points as opposed to DD's 133.
  
• 3 BYUCougarsFan vs. 14 Baron: Baron made a surprising push toward the beginning of the round, but BCF called in a few favors from the ginger army and easily came away with the 134 to 47 victory.
  
• 6 BIG XII Coug vs. 11 Downtown: Was it B12Coug's undying optimism for an invite into a P5 conference that propelled him to victory, or simply Downtown's lack of presence on the board lately? It leaves you wondering: who really cares? BIG IIX Coug 120, Downtown 67.
  

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• 1 Bernard vs. 16 Byron McNertney: Surely it was more Bernard hate than Byron love that made this the closest battle a 1 seed has ever faced. Does Bernard have what it takes to fend off the streaking -C9- in the next round. Probably not. Score: 102 to 86.
  
• 8 -C9- vs. 9 brazilcoug: brazilcoug might have won, but he was wearing a -C9- jersey during the match-up which confused all of his fans. 113 to 74 was our final.
  
• 4 Freddie Cougar vs. 13 coug'sdad: An intriguing matchup for sure. In the end, it was dad's sincere pathos that beat out the fundamentalist curmudgeonity of Freddie. Maybe love really does conquer all, or maybe dad just dazzled us all with 80's level mascot-acrobatics. Freddie Cougar goes down, 90 to 97.
  
• 5 BGRTHNUMEGO vs. 12 hansel: hansel is so hot right now (too easy), but what is bigger than hansel's hotness, you ask? Why, it's the score: BGRTHNUMEGO 128, hansel 59. Maybe hansel should have listened to his friend Billy Zane.
  
• 2 chago04 vs. 15 byukirty: This was really just kind of a scrimmage for the formidable chago who treated this as a statement game. Did he really deserve a 1 seed. Probably. But kirty didn't put up much of a fight, essentially rolling over before voting even started. chago wins 144 to 41.
  
• 7 Breaded Hamster vs. 10 ChopperDave: Dave came out in wet leather chaps and easily won the ladies' vote. Not a lot of brackets were busted in this somewhat expected 115 to 70 upset.
  
• 3 BluePete vs. 14 Nikomedes: It took all the righteous indignation that BluePete could muster to fend off the charging, crafty Nikomedes. In the end, bloody and bruised, BluePete won the day 98 to 90.
  
• 6 Busiturtle vs. 11 Broda: Many penciled this in as a win for the underrated Broda who made it close, but in the end it was Busiturtle's italics that convinced us to vote for him. No doubt about it, this final score of 104 to 82 was entirely man-made.
  

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• 1 cougfanblue vs. 16 Blue Cactus: It was a shame to pit the feckless Blue Cactus against such a foe. cougfanblue was merciful at least as he dispatched the less-than-worthy opponent 144 to 41. Can he be so benevolent with his dismantling of the equally feckless Buffalo? Of course he can.
  
• 8 BYUtka vs. 9 Buffalo: BYUtka couldn't finish his "How to win a Cougarboard Bracket Tournament match-up" video in time to do anything about the storming Buffalo who sneaked up and stole this one 106 to 82.
  
• 4 dmatt vs. 13 Hambone: Many cried foul with this match-up, but Hambone laughed his homecourt advantage all the way to the second round knocking out the overrated media darling dmatt 112 to 76.
  
• 5 BYUMizzou vs. 12 carlstud: Even with one of the rowdiest fan bases around, carlstud couldn't muster enough to knock off the respected BYUMizzou who moves onto the next round 125 to 63.
  
• 2 BW84 vs. 15 claw: Surprisingly, BW84 did not give a play-by-play of this match-up. He quietly rode his amiability to the second round with a 150 to 33 victory. Poor claw never had a chance.
  
• 7 coug203 vs. 10 BigTex: In one of the most closely contested match-ups, BigTex had just enough of Texas behind him to upset the scrappy coug203 who will now write a ballad about how his FO list failed him yet again. Score: 90 to 96.
  
• 3 brj8 vs. 14 Belboz: brj8 certainly used his mod powers to blackmail people into voting for him, a victory would have been expected, but 128 to 58? Belboz might have a case for collusion here.
  
• 6 BlueFrog vs. 11 byujacob: It looks like either BlueFrog is truly as cool as we all think he is, or byujacob's new benign posting strategy of mainly keeping to the movies, music, and film category just isn't winning him many new friends, even though it's keeping his enemies at bay. Maybe this will spur a new idea for a dystopian novel. 117 to 75.