Ooh! Ooh! It's a game! Did I win the lottery? BYU calling with a refund offer plus 20 years' generous interest, because they now "recognize scholarship material when they see it"? Touchstone Pictures recasting for Dead Poets Society and the guys can't wait for the classroom scene for a rousing "Oh, Captain, my Captain?" "Hello?!" "Hey, Dad, the car broke down on I-15 in Salt Lake. Can you pick us up?" Car-pay diem, I guess.

A bad morning deserves a bad pun.