I'd like to take a moment to address the baseless vile attacks that others have recently propagated in an attempt to assassinate my character, destroy my credibility, and ruin my bid to be your next mod. When I entered this race I expected to have a little mud flung my direction. What I did not expect was for my opponents to coerce innocent 8 year old children into bearing false testimonies about me. Let me be very clear - I DO NOT OWN A RED SPEEDO. I don't know Maaddee or her family. Furthermore, I have made it known that I am following a strict low-carb diet which forbids the eating of cakes of any variety, including unicorn.
Beatrice is another story. She was very excited to join my downline and had no problem paying the initial fee. I told her she didn't have to buy so much inventory up front, but she was adamant that this was her ticket to finally earn enough money to get her grandson the operation he so badly wants. You see, her grandson has a rare condition and I believe in my heart of hearts that this networking business is her best chance to save him. She gave up after 3 weeks, but I haven't given up on her or her grandson. We will get benny the operation he needs and we will find a cure for severe albino gingeritis.
Throughout my campaign I have made it a point to rise above the tactics of my opponents. You won't see name calling from me. You won't see attacks on others* even though it might be easy. No, Thunder Buddy is better than that. He is a true leader. He is the mod that CougarBoard doesn't deserve, but desperately needs. When the polls open, I trust you'll make the correct decision. Be my thunder buddy and never again live in fear of unjust moderation or thunder storms.
*Bernard insults should not be counted against me or any other candidate as it is generally accepted that he truly is the worst.