[George (representing a BYU fan) and Clarence (his guardian angel) are in the warming hut while their clothes are drying.]

George: I wish we could fire our coach.

Clarence: You musn't say things like that. I'll never get my wings with that attitude.

George: I suppose you're right. Maybe it would be better if our coach just left for a job at a P5 school for a lot more money and took most of his staff with him.

Clarence: Now you musn't . . . Wait a minute . . . That might not be such a bad idea . . . Yeah, that'll do it. Okay, you've got your wish. Your coach just took at job at Virginia. And took his assistants with him. No more 8-5 seasons. No more awkward press conferences. No more "tradition, spirit, honor." Or criticizing fans. Or running the table against the dregs of college football in meaningless games in October and November. Or only recruiting players who would've come to BYU anyway.

(George reaches inside his pocket, only to find it empty)

Clarence: You don't have those.

George: What?

Clarence: Your tickets to watch BYU play New Mexico in the "Ortho Grass Killer Irrelevant Bowl" at 11 PM EST on December 24.

George: Well that's the strangest thing.

Clarence: You're gonna see a lot of strange things from now on.

[Fast forward about two years, during which time BYU endures it's longest losing streak since the Vietnam era with the gap between BYU and P5 programs ever widening and George becoming increasingly desperate and confused.]

George: Andy Reid, Andy Reid, can we get Andy Reid?

Clarence: George, Andy Reid coaches in the NFL. He'd have to take a huge pay cut to come to BYU. And, even then, there would be no money left over for decent assistants. And he'd have to deal with BYU's limited recruiting pool, non-P5 status, and that honor code, not to mention the unrealistic expectations of people like you.

George: What about Mike Leach?

Clarence: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

George: LaVell? LaVell? Where's LaVell?

Clarence: You're not gonna like it George.

George: (grabbing Clarence by his suit jacket) LaVell. Tell me where LaVell is!

Clarence: LaVell died. But think of all the great memories he gave you. You see George, you really had a wonderful fandom. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to throw it all away?

[George runs back to the bridge and desperately prays while leaning against the railing.]

George: I want to win again. I want to win again. I don't care if we have to go back to a G5 conference. Please God, let us win again.

[Suddenly, it starts snowing and a car pulls up. Bronco Mendenhall steps out.]

George: Now, stand back Bronco or I'll hit you again!

Bronco: George, I just came out to check on you. Are you all right?

George: (starting to realize that it was all just a bad dream) Bronco, do you know me?

Bronco: Sure I know you. You're one of the guys in Portal Z who booed me during my first game as BYU's head coach. I've got Robert Anae back in the car, riding shotgun.

George: Ha ha! Well, what do you know. Bowl game tickets? bowl games tickets? (reaches inside his pocket) There they are!

(George runs back into town yelling, "LaVell! LaVell!")

Bronco (back in the car, turning to Anae): I didn't have the heart to tell him that the part about LaVell dying was true.

[Fast forward to Christmas Eve night where George is at home with family and friends gathered around. Suddenly, George's younger brother Harry arrives after just finishing a tour of duty in Afganistan.]

Harry: George, eveyone, I just got this text on my smartphone: "Understand the program needs cash. Stop. BOT prepared to provide financial resources necessary to make BYU football nationally relevant again. Stop. Oh, and P5 invitation imminent (and not just a rumor this time). Stop. Hee haw and Merry Christmas, Tom Holmoe."

(everyone cheers)

Mary: Now that caffeinated soft drinks are sold at BYU, how about some Dr. Pepper?

Harry: George, sorry you had to miss going to BYU's bowl game on account of my homecoming. But it's about to start on ESPNU (everyone gets a spot in front of the TV and then roll to closing credits).