- “I may not walk the straight and the narrow, but I sure in helk try to cross it as often as I can!”

- “There are not enough general authorities to do all the thinking for the membership of the church.”

- “I love all the brethren, but I love some a helk of a lot more than I do others.”

- “I don’t know how the people of St George can stand the heat, the Indians, the snakes and the flooding Virgin River. If I had a house in St George and a house in Hades, I’d rent out the one in St George and move straight to Hades.”

- “This city (Brigham City) looks like helk. You need to clean things up, mow the grass, paint your houses and barns. And you sisters, you could stand a little paint yourselves!”

- “Young men, always marry a woman from Sanpete County. No matter what hard times you experience together, she has seen worse.”

- “I understand you brethren can’t go on missions because you swear too much. You can overcome it, Helk I did!”

- “I mix the what with the chaff and it’s up to you to take your choice. In my talks you will find foolishness, maybe some wisdom, and, I hope, a lot of truth.

- One time J. Golden Kimball was examining a hat in the ZCMI department store. When a clerk approached him he asked the price. The clerk replied, “Ten dollars,” where upon Brother Kimball started to look inside the hat, pulling back the band. The clerk, confused by his close inspection, inquired, “What are you looking for?” Without looking up, Brother Kimball responded, “Holes.” “Holes?” questioned the utterly confused clerk. “Yes,” said Kimball, “for the ears of the donkey who would pay ten dollars for this hat.”