When the cube arrived, I set it on the floor and burned some incense, as I do. Anyway, the cube began floating in the air. "Slick," I thought, sipping from a bottle given to me by a man living in the local sewers. The cube began to shudder and shake, filling the room with the glorious light of Allah. Then, the light turned to an unusual shade of turquoise, and a dark humanoid with wings slithered out. He offered to take me to the eternal abyss where I could live out the rest of my mortal existence with the farmers that Stalin executed. I thanked him, and told him to come back later because I'm not ready to go (I haven't paid my mortgage). He cursed me for keeping him in his banishment, and now the cube sits on my desk. It's still turquoise.