Alpine = self-righteous, ultra-orthodox Mormons who think they’re actually, currently living in the Celestial Kingdom (my mission President called Alpine the Celestial Kingdom on Earth).

Lehi = people who couldn’t afford to live in Alpine.

Herriman = people who couldn’t afford to live in Draper.

Saratoga Springs and Eagle Mountain = People who wanted big houses but couldn’t afford to buy a big house in a nice place.

Payson = Hillbillies and Rednecks

Springville = weirdos

Santaquin = hillbillies and rednecks who Couldn’t afford to live in Payson.

Woodland Hills = people who like fires and debris flows.

West Valley and Magna = gang bangers and criminals.

Salt Lake City = church leaders and homosexuals...and homeless.

Sugarhouse = crazy dog people and lesbians.

I could do this all day.