After a bunch of years, I finally told my wife about it about a month ago. I have struggled mental health issues for quite a while. I hit a low about 2 years ago.

My sister-in-law was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer about 5 years ago. She was given 2 years to live and it has just been in the last week or two she has gone to Hospice and stopped treatment.

All the time she was getting treatment, I thought to myself there is no way I could do what she is doing. The pain and struggle she was going through just didn't look like it was worth it from my point of view. It got to a point I was really jealous of her and wishing it was me instead. It seemed like a painful way to live the last little while of your life, but it also seemed like there was a definite time when the pain of depression would go away and that was so appealing to me.

As it turns out, I finally found a procedure about 18 months ago that started turning things around for me.

The post about secretly wishing you would get fired just reminded me of this.