Shamus was making his famous 239 bean soup when his friend Ian came to visit.
"Shamus, fit ya doin, laddie?"
"Oh, yer jist in time", Shamus explained, "I'm mak'n me famous two hundred and tirty-nine bean soup."
"two-tirty-niiine?" Ian asked, "why two tirty-niiine? Why no add yun more bean to make an even number?"
"because", Shamus explained, "yun more bean would bake it two farty"

Another a Scotsman told me

Colin was walking past his friend Angus's house and noticed that he had dug several holes in his front yard. "Shamus", Colin asked, "why the holes?" "Oh, aye," Angus explained, "I'm trying to dig a hole to plant m' tree." Confused, Colin asked, "but why are there so many holes?" "Oh", Angus, understanding the confusion explained, "them, well those holes are too wee."