ing to people like this "Ray". I am no psychologist, but have read a bit about mental disorders. Ray sounds like he may have some kind of disorder...I'm just guessing maybe narcissism, maybe high functioning Autism (like Asperger's), and although you haven't given any clues to this, I have seen some bi-polar people act the way you are describing.
People with these (and many other) types of disorders can't just be "given a good talking to". They need professional help, but unfortunately are usually the last to think they need help and therefore rarely seek help.
One additional problem is sometimes these disorders are hereditary and the kids wind up with similar disorders. Not sure at all that is what is happening with the 3 year old...but I know from experience that what from the outside looks like a spoiled bratty kid, is actually an autistic child having a meltdown.
Best wishes to you and your family.