"TNT had lots of grit, but sadly wasted much of his life addicted to Totino's pizza. Although he once proposed marriage to a CBer's daughter, his meager salary of five gold stars a day for good behavior at truck driver etiquette school did not win him any influence with the potential father-in-law.

"A genius in his own way, TNT chose instead to apply his skills to memorizing obscure facts about pinball and 1980s pro wrestling. No one ever knew who he was in real life, and most of us are glad we didn't. Nevertheless, TNT left a deep void in all of our hearts when he announced that he was giving up CB in order to pursue a career as a professional nose, larynx, and tongue model. Most CB fathers also breathed a sign of relief that TNT would no longer BM them in hopes of snatching one or two of their daughters to wife.

However, ultimately he will sorely be missed. TNT is survived by El Jefe, nashty, and Indy Coug. He was preceded in inactivity by Green Rake. A memorial service will be held at the local 7-Eleven. In lieu of Totino's we ask that a donation to the American Hot or Not Association be made in his memory."