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Sep 17, 2014
3:23
:52
pm
byujacob
Mitch Hedberg has a ton of these. Here's my favorite:
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg
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byujacob
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jacobugath
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byujacob
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Apr 15, 2008
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Sep 28, 2022
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Messages
Author
Time
Favorite Comedian's one liner's post them here....
capo
9/17/14 3:22pm
Rectum? Darn near killed him!
John Doe
9/17/14 3:23pm
Mitch Hedberg has a ton of these. Here's my favorite:
byujacob
9/17/14 3:23pm
If you are flammable and have legs, you can never be blocking a fire exit...
coug almighty
9/17/14 3:25pm
An escalator can never break.. it just becomes stairs..
capo
9/17/14 3:26pm
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read.
fredgarvin
9/17/14 3:43pm
Take my wife. Please!
Indy Coug
9/17/14 3:24pm
There are two types of people in this world;
Anae4Anae
9/17/14 3:27pm
JS-Men don’t care what’s on TV… they only care what else is on TV
capo
9/17/14 3:27pm
for some reason my fave line of his is about the #1 dad shirts: "i don't know
johnnycarson
9/17/14 3:41pm
Pants always beats no pants
BlueOptimist
9/17/14 4:23pm
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never
riboflavin
9/17/14 3:27pm
"The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me."
Coug Eastwood
9/17/14 3:27pm
Speaking of SW-"99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name"
capo
9/17/14 3:28pm
I wanna get a tattoo over my whole body of me... but taller.
TheRowdy
9/17/14 3:39pm
Why dont I have a tattoo? Would you put a bumper sticker on a ferrari?
anonymous37
9/17/14 3:29pm
Just got back from a pleasure trip. Took my mother-in-law to the airport.
BW84
9/17/14 3:29pm
The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate myself. -LCK
Anae4Anae
9/17/14 3:30pm
The most beautiful women in the world are Thai men
LifeLongLakerFan
9/17/14 3:32pm
I didn't say it.
LifeLongLakerFan
9/17/14 5:08pm
I think it's funny.
flavordave
9/17/14 5:09pm
My grandfather had the heart of a Lion and
Anae4Anae
9/17/14 3:34pm
"4 kids? That's one way to live your life."
NOCAL_YFAN
9/17/14 3:35pm
I wanted to play ice hockey-my dad said wait until it gets warmer-R. Dangerfield
osbooks
9/17/14 3:36pm
corny jokes are the worst!
riboflavin
9/17/14 3:40pm
then don't look down a few threads, you may pass out from the bad puns
osbooks
9/17/14 3:42pm
"The internet is an infinite well of nothing, and when you’re there, you’re
mr_thekid
9/17/14 3:37pm
I remember how, in college, I got this part-time job as a circus clown, and how
Anae4Anae
9/17/14 3:38pm
Probably the hardest thing in anyone's life is when they have to kill a
Buton777
9/17/14 3:40pm
I intend to live forever. So far, so good
CougarMike
9/17/14 3:40pm
A lot of people are afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.
CougarMike
9/17/14 3:40pm
What's another word for Thesaurus?
CougarMike
9/17/14 3:41pm
The boneless chicken . . . is the hardest chicken to catch.
PlanoCougar
9/17/14 3:41pm
You can't have everything - where would you put it?
Kilgore Trout
9/17/14 3:42pm
what's the deal with ovaltine?
erkimust
9/17/14 3:42pm
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
Anae4Anae
9/17/14 3:43pm
I love me some Jim Gaffigan
Duke Silver
9/17/14 3:45pm
Another
Duke Silver
9/17/14 3:46pm
RE: Favorite Comedian's one liner's post them here....
AKcoug
9/17/14 3:49pm
Studies show that women who carry xtra weight liv longer thn men who bring it up
Anae4Anae
9/17/14 3:51pm
Anything that Jack Handy says....
cougarnerd
9/17/14 4:02pm
RE: Anything that Jack Handy says....
capo
9/17/14 4:03pm
Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction,
cocktosten
9/17/14 4:53pm
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere,
cocktosten
9/17/14 4:20pm
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot - Stephen Wright
carlstud
9/17/14 4:44pm
Whenever I've been broke, I've always bought good toilet paper. The bills are
ByuImaginesDragons
9/17/14 8:41pm
Kid turns around and kills himself falling out of the building. This is called
ByuImaginesDragons
9/17/14 8:43pm
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