"BYU By Eleventy Bazillion" By Tyson Snow (Tyscat)
I thought some of you might like seeing Tyscat's brilliant work he did with regards to the Utah rivalry. During rivalry week each year he would write an email to all of his Ute friends, and would bcc: some of his other friends/CBers. Unfortunately, I only have three of the emails - some of you may have been receiving them for longer, so feel free to post those as well. His sharp wit and passion for BYU (and the rivalry in general) really come through. So without further adieu, here is the first one I received from him, dated 9/16/11.
"Subject: BYU By Eleventy Bazillion..."
It's rivalry week? Holy War time? Already? This isn't right. I haven't had time to prepare.
Haha. Right. Pretty sure I spend all year preparing. What do you guys think I do at "work" all day? Let's jump right in. Ten games. Enjoy!
Game #1. How many Ute stereotypes can you identify in the following picture? Try really hard. I've got at least 8 but I am sure that you can come up with plenty more.
Congratulations. Now you know where the "stereotypes" come from (as if we didn't already know--but it is nice to see so many of them consolidated into one picture).
Game #3. Can you list of the Top 10 things the Utes should do with their BCS money? Here's a start:
"Fix" Cold Fusion Reactor
Upgrade the pirate ship
Pay some fans to come to basketball games
Increase the crazy dancing lady's salary
Buy their own blackberries to throw
Imported beer to pour on BYU fans
Increased counseling for little brother complex
Longer shorts for mens basketball team
Hire Bronco and/or Coach Rose (already have Whittingham, Sitake, and Roderick).
Subscribe to BYUtv so they can watch real sports
Of course, let's remember that Utah get's 0% of that BCS money this year. And only 25% of it next year. And only 75% of it the year after that. I guess I shouldn't have been quite so extravagant. Probably need to pare (no, not pair or pear) it down a bit.
Game #4. Lists are fun. How about the Top 15 reasons why the Utes are the "Best Program in America". Do you know them? Because I do!
Beat Alabama for "National Championship" in 2008
6 consecutive conference championships from 1928 to 1933
12-5 Bowl Record All Time
NIT Champions 1947
Keith Van Horn
AAU Champions 1916
Crazy Lady Halftime Dance
Digital Camo Under Armor Uniforms (a/k/a Knock-Off Wish-we-had Nike Pro-Combat Unis)
Shona Thornburn Drafted by Minnesotta Lynx in 2006
Less Mormon than BYU
Game #5. For those of you who think that I'm all about pointing fingers and making fun, let's get factual. How about wins/losses since 2006 (in the sports that matter: Football and Men's Basketball). Can you guess? BYU: 12; Utah: 3. Seriously. No wonder you guys don't want to play BYU anymore. BYU's wins and losses:
Game #7. Remember how awesome it was when College GameDay came for the Utah/TCU game? The Utes had so many fans there. It was crazy! What a great day that was for the University of Utah. Herbstreit even put on that old Utah leather helmet. Remember? But then Lee Corso worked his magic and gave the world one of the greatest quotes in the history of all mankind: http://youtu.be/<wbr />FnMgXAzk9EU
Game #8. Name the mascot. For years and years I thought that Utah was the Runnin' Utes. Then it seemed like everyone just called them the Utes. And then my understanding of Utah's mascot was completely blown out of the water when I saw this bird like thing walking around on the sidelines. What was that all about? Swoop? The red-tailed hawk? But do you know about the "other" mascot the Utes have? I bet you don't. Let me introduce you to the not-so-well-known Ute Wolf!
Can't you people get it straight. For the love. (Some people think you should just adopt the crazy dancing lady as your mascot -- I agree.)
Game #9. We've already spent plenty of time covering Utah's coveted move to the Pac10+2. For Utes' sake (hehe, that sounds funny), let's hope you have more success competing against your new liberal-biased conference-mates than you had against the lowly opponents found in the MWC. Here is a breakdown of MWC conference and tournament championships between 1999 and 2010 for BYU and Utah:
1999-2010 BYU=40 regular season championships + 90 tourney championships
1999-2010 Utah=23 regular season championships + 16 tourney championships