1) libel is a tort.
2) the phrase "a good Ute" is somewhat of an oxymoron. (I qualify it with "somewhat" in order to allow for the GA's who've come from there, all of whom I wholeheartedly sustain in their callings, whether or not I admire their personal academic choices.)
3) some serious Godiva may help you out here. Barnes and Noble closes at 9.