Statuses of Being a Dad, AKA, Daddassus (You're welcome, Jefe)

Stud

• 
  
• Getting your wife pregnant 
  

Snowflake

• 
  
• Watching a human person come out of another human person without ralphing
  
• Getting peed on or pooped on while changing a diaper
  
• Covering nose with t-shirt while changing a diaper
  
• Heaving while opening an old, OLD sippy cup of chocolate milk
  
• Spending over $250 on a car seat
  
• Buying new kids clothes like an IDIOT
  
• Buying socks that don't match
  

Meh, aka The Belushi

• 
  
• Crying for joy when watching a human come out of your wife
  
• Having 2 or more kids under the age of 5
  
• Changing a diaper WITHOUT covering nose with t-shirt
  
• NOT heaving immediately when opening and old, OLD sippy filled with chocolate milk
  
• Spending less than $100 on a new car seat
  
• Picking up a used stroller at Kid to Kid
  

Seasoned Vet, aka The Fletch

• 
  
• Looking forward to uninterrupted sleep on a hospital guest "bed" when your wife has child 3-6
  
• Not even noticing diapers any more
  
• Kind of enjoying the smell of spoiled milk
  
• Borrowing or reusing a car seat
  
• Stroller? What the heck is that? You've got dad strength now. Carry that kid in through the mall!
  
• Blaming the baby for your farts
  

The Legend, aka The Robert Parr or The Grampa

• 
  
• Yells from the kitchen, "Kids, listen to your mother."