She was born with a very complicated heart. The first three years of her life were chaotic and gut-wrenching, one emergency after the other, and I never want to go through something like that again.

This past week she has been mildly sick, but has developed some potentially concerning symptoms, given her cardiac issues. Could be nothing that can’t be explained by a fairly benign viral infection. Or it could be the beginning of another terrifying journey where my wife and I make the best medical decisions we can for our daughter and hope for the best.

My little girl is sitting on the exam bed, dressed in pink pajamas, watching her iPad, with a stuffed, pink penguin and a few other favorite nighttime friends by her side.

I look at her calmly sitting there, watching her iPad, oblivious to what may be coming (and if not now, in the next few years) and here is what I feel: overwhelming gratitude for her, for her fierce happiness, her strong mind and spirit, and that I get to be her dad.

Trying very hard to stay in the now and enjoy the immeasurable blessing of this child.

Good night, Cougarboard.