As BYU opens football training do we have a summary of what to expect for the following:

Attrition from the roster other than NFL?
...Nancy Florence Liverwort is no longer dating one of the ball boys.

Is anybody suspended that we know of? How long?
...Brian Logan tried to dunk a basketball and managed a suspension time midair of nearly a full second.
...He still came up 2'8" short of the rim.

Who will be out and for how long?
...Dennis Pitta went out for a pizza 6 years ago and as never returned to BYUsn

Who do we expect to show up in improved shape and conditioning?
...Several of the cheerleaders have really put a lot of off-season work in, however
...Rumor has it that the marching band tuba players all lost on average 6 lbs by cutting cougar-tails from their diets.

Who do we expect that took the summer off and regressed in their ability to contribute?
...NCAA Fans. The fact is many have exercised their arm bending elbows and channel changing speed as improved, but the Pringles Bowl goes to champions. Oregon again has the most basement dwelling gamers and will again look like they spent a great deal of time exercising their wrists, but nothing else.

Who changed positions?
...One of my home's five toilet seats cracked and so if I use that room nearest the library have to sit in an awkward position relative to a normal position.

What will the day 1-2 surprises be?
...There won't be any.