She could tell I wasn't enjoying it, and asked me if I didn't think her dog was cute. I candidly told her that I dislike dogs. When she asked me why, I came to the following conclusions:

1. Barking - Barking is among the worst noises in the world. It's loud, it’s irregular, and it's incredibly jarring and annoying. Whenever I hear a dog barking my rage level jumps up a substantial amount from where it was previously. Barking is not cute. It's disruptive and a form of noise pollution.

2. Dirt and STANK - Dogs are filthy and make the places they live filthy. I don’t care how much you wash your dog. It still stinks. That smell gets in your furniture and your home generally and does not leave. No matter how much you clean your house, it still smells like dog.

3. Destruction - Dogs destroy things. Furniture, shoes, carpet, landscaping, children's faces - anything is fair game.

4. Urine, feces, and vomit - Need I say more? Part of the dog stank is the fact that dogs indiscriminately relieve themselves everywhere. And when they vomit they attempt to eat it. It's absolutely disgusting. I see dog feces all the time these days in my community and it makes me angry.

5. Licking - When any dog starts to lick me I aggressively shove it away. You enjoy hives and dog breath? "She's just giving you kisses" Oh really? I don't enjoy the wet tongue of an animal that eats its own vomit and licks its own butthole running over my face.

6. Attention Pits and Jumping - Dogs need constant attention or they start to act out. Who has the time for that? Also, you want to have an animal jump up on you and start sniffing your crotch every time they see you? Or refuse to go away even after pushing it?

7. Dog Attacks - "But, he's never done anything like this before! I swear, he's a good dog, please don't take him!!!" Dog owners could be standing over the mutilated body of a child as she heads to the morgue and still claim that their dear pitbull is innocent. No matter how well trained your dog is there is still a chance it could overpower you and destroy someone's life. Many breeds of dogs were so bred in order to be vicious and kill other living things in either hunts or dogfights. That doesn’t go away just because it is your pooch. While I am not a fan of dogs generally, dangerous breeds should be euthanized.

8. Dog Owner Culture - Regardless of how much you need to fill the hole in your soul, your dog is not a human partner. It is not a child. I tend to lose patience when people try to show me photos of their children, but when people try to show me photos of their dog, I often leave the conversation immediately. When people try to equate having a dog with being parents, it's obnoxious. Owning a dog and having a child are not remotely the same thing: when you refer to yourself as a "dog parent" anyone can immediately see that you lack maturity and judgment and should not be taken seriously. When you bring your dog to a restaurant or other store, it's unhygienic. People come to restaurants to eat or other businesses to shop, and you're bringing in a dirty animal. It's really inconsiderate as some people have allergies or totally justifiable fears of dogs generally. Have some class and leave it at home.

There is your daily CB dog rant for your reading pleasure or displeasure. My colleague was fairly scandalized and I'm sure now thinks less of me, but at least I won't be subjected to more dog photos haha.