I am not afraid to tell veterans how it really is in combat. Quick to insinuate to the board that I am a doctor when some rando is embarrassing my uneducated medical opinion. Too cool to listen to country music as I prefer hipster Indy bands nobody has heard of.

But in reality I drive a Toyota Siena and live in a cheap condo near Kearns with my neighbor's dog crap all over in my yard.

Did I nail it?