1 And Tom Holmoe sent Jimmer unto Mark Pope. And he came unto him and said unto him,

"There were two schools in the NCAA basketball subdvision; the one rich, and the other poor.

2 The rich school had exceeding many championships and 5-star one-and-done recruits:

3 But the poor school had nothing, save one 4-star combo guard, which they had recruited and nourished up: and it served a two-year mission with them, and with their fans; and it did project to play signficant minutes as a freshman, and was unto them as a son.

4 And there came a new coach unto the rich school, and they spared to take of their own flock and herd of recruits, to fill out their roster; but took the poor school's 6-3 scoring machine, and dressed it to come off of the bench for them."

5 And Mark Pope's anger was greatly kindled against the school; and he said to Jimmer, "As Kresmir Kosic liveth, the coach that hath done this thing shall surely get upset in the first round of the tournament by McNeese State next year

6 And he shall restore the recruit fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity."

7And Jimmer said to Mark Pope, "Thou art the coach. Thus saith Tyler Haws, I anointed thee coach over Kentucky, and I delivered thee out of the hand of the WCC;

8 And I gave thee Rupp Arena, and endless NIL cash, and gave thee a roster full of NBA prospects; and if that had been too little, I would moreover had Reed Shepard come back for his Sophomore year.

9 Wherefore hast thou despised the fans of BYU, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed the Cougars with NIL money, and hast taken their future shooting guard to be thy shooting guard, and hast slain them with sticking them with Trevin Knell as a 25-minute per game starter next season.

10 Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine locker room; because thou hast blown up BYU's roster, and hast taken their good players to be thy good players."


(Yes, this is obviously tongue in cheek - although you can't deny the humorous similarities).